Here's a story

 The thing is I have so much appreciation for my life, my family, and friends and the things I have, that I don't get why people don't appreciate what they have. I think it's so sad how I can see people and how many advantages they have over me and still aren't happy about their lives like it's not enough. So here's a story...

 One day there was a little girl who had her who life ahead of her with no worry in the world. She thought the world was filled with nice people and didn't know about hate or the pain she would endure. One day in a matter of seconds her life would change with news that she really didn't understand but from that moment she knew that the world she thought was so great wasn't really that great. She would learn that kids could be mean and life could be hard. That she couldn't really be a cheerleader or a dancer or a model. She realized she had to do more things she didn't like then she did. She had this silly thought of what life could be and how it'd all turn out but she was wrong. She has been hurt more times then she could count, called names that cut her deep, and sat alone on Friday nights more often then not. Cried herself to sleep because she just wanted to know why this happened to her, had to listen to people tell her it could be worse and she should be grateful she's alive, watch people walk in and out of her life like it's ok, work hard every single day of her life and still not see the reward but she still works hard. She's still hopeful, she still keeps her head up, she still continues to work her butt off, and she still believes one day it will all be worth it. And even though her life is far from perfect, she doesn't always have enough money and isn't always busy the way she wants to be, she still appreciates her mom who works harder than any person she's ever met and even though she couldn't give her everything she's ever wanted she didn't need to, she has  brothers who always have her back, an aunt and uncle who always have room in their house and tons of love in their hearts, awesome cousins who she always has fun with even though it's crazy sometimes. She loves and appreciates her life so much. She has a family full of cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends but no dad... After all that she's still content not always happy or sad but content with her life. She appreciates it all, that she is me. Life isn't always perfect, sometimes far from it but appreciate what you have because it goes fast, people get old, and time gets away. Tell your family you love them and appreciate them. Tell your friends you're glad their there and tell yourself that you're doing the best you can. Appreciate the decisions you've made and the mistakes that happened. Take the time to give yourself a break. Appreciate the good moments and the ones that make you stronger. Live in the moment and love everyday because one day you're going to wish you did. Just take time to appreciate the little things... Just know I appreciate you and love you so much! pass on the message and show your appreciation!:)

OBSESSIONS

Hey!!! So I wanted share some of my Obsessions with you guys because I thinks its fun to know more about my goofy silly side! Check some new and old ones!!

1. CONVERSE

I Converse are so so cute and I am in love with them! so far I have a red, black, pink, and white pair!! I wear them like everyday!

2. LEGGINGS/ JEGGINGS

I know they look like jeans but they are jeggings!!! so comfortable I barely own jeans anymore

3. GHIRADELLI CHOCOLATE

The easiest way to my heart and smile besides bieber;)

4. PADRE FOOTBALL 

Football every Friday! Its fun together with family and watch the game and hang

5. PINK

My favorite color and its always will be

6. INSTAGRAM

Instagram is my Favorite app! I love it and seeing peoples pictures is so fun!!!

7. ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW

No secret that I love Ellen and her show! Plus I am still trying to get on it!!

8. BASEBALL TEES

They are so cute and comfy!!!

9. DAIRY QUEEN BLIZZARDS

I have like 3 or 4 a week... Kinda of bad but I do get mini's so its not that bad right?!

10. JUSTIN BIEBER

Come on now?! I still get questions like do you still like him? OF COURSE I DO!  always will

 

Moments of weakness

You know how sometimes you want to say something but you don't know what to say? Well I do that a lot on this blog, I battle with myself wondering whether I should share my more inner personal thoughts because at times it's hard to hear and handle. I write and rewrite and let these moments of weakness blog post build up in my archive. This is one of those times but since this is my blog and I want you guys to try and experience my journey through me I have to share each side. I try to make the best of every situation most of the time but there's a lot of the time that that's not the case at all... So here I am this is real and raw but it's me...

There are times when I just don't understand why things are happening the way that they are, I don't get why my family was chosen to go through this, why some of my friends families were chosen either. I know it's not right to question the things that there is no answer to because it can drive you crazy but in those moments of weakness when nothing is going right and all the odds are stacked against me it's really hard not to. It's hard trying to figure out how to put the right words together to get people to understand and it's frustrating when they don't. They say you know what things will get better but when you have surgeries, infusions, doctor appointments, and therapies its hard to believe it sometimes. When I was a little girl before I was diagnosed I had so many different ideas about what my life would be and how it would turn out. There are things that I see everyday that I wish I could be doing and experiencing, or I wonder if only I was able to try it would I be good at it? I wish someone would wake me up and say its just a weird dream... But of course its not. I have a hard time letting people in because what I have experienced so far is, once I do they don't stay for long. So I find myself feeling like it's my fault that they don't come back and I know its not but its still hard to get that from the back of my head. There's reasons why people come and go in life, why things happen the way they do, and why I am the way I am. People spend their whole lives just going through motions, I don't want to be one of those people. I don't want to let life pass me by "waiting for things to get better" because they won't without me doing something about it. But in these moments of weakness where I think about how hard it is to miss out on some of the simplest pleasures is something that probably won't ever go away. I'll probably have a few more throughout my life time but I can't hold them in anymore and since this is what I made this blog for I should use it to the fullest extent. Life's not always rainbows and unicorns with flying glitter everywhere, so don't feel bad that I have a few bad thoughts today because these little moments of weakness help me realize who I really am and that I am just human with a tiny bit of super powers;) and in the end just like the good these moments won't last forever. That's why they are called moments because as soon as they begin they end. Thanks for letting vent...

Summer Vacation!!!!

Me Cousin Byron 

Marly, me, Angie, Sylina, Autumn <3

The next big vacation was San Diego! We planned a weekend to have fun in the sun! It was pretty good time I have to say, we went with my cousins beyonce, Byron, Terrell (T2), and their parents Shannon and TJ. We also travelled with Jackie and her girls. So as usual my mom and I went to treatment on Thursday but after we got done we ended up staying over night with Jackie, Angie, and Marly at the Hyatt house in Emeryville, that turned in to our temporary home in Oakland for the pasts 2 years. Anyways we had dinner that night and went to bed and then flew to San Diego the next morning. Once we got to San Diego we met up with my cousins and brother, to go to lunch at Smash brother Burgers because we were all starving! Then went to Del Mar Beach. Later that day Sylina and Autumn met up with us and we spent all day at the beach and had so much fun! I ended up getting a tan and everyone else got sun burnt!:) After a day at the beach my mom, me , Angie, Jackie, and Marly, along with Sylina and Autumn went back to our hotel to go swimming! After the pool we were all so hungry that we went decided to go to On the Boarder and sadly because Justin and my cousins weren't at the same hotel and they were still tired from the beach so went without them but we still had a lot of fun! You kind of had to be there so if you were there you know what I mean and if you weren't you missed out!! So the next day we all met up to go to the San Diego zoo, which is one of the biggest

Beyonce, TJ, Shannon, Me Byron, T2, Justin, My mom

zoos ever!! Anyways it was a lot of fun seeing all of the different animals there but of course my favorite was the giraffes! OMG they are just so beautiful! I love them! Those weren't the only animals we saw though we also saw elephants, polar bears, monkeys, birds, snakes, and I can't forget the gorillas because the boys made us walk all around the zoo twice to find them, no joke but they ended up finding them and they were pretty cool too! After the zoo we all went out to eat at some Mexican  restaurant, that I totally forgot the name of but it was so good! We all so much fun and the trip was definitely not long enough for me but it was so amazing! I am so glad I got to go on a vacation with some of my closest friends and family, it is something I will always remember! We have to do it again!!!! Next time we should all be in the same hotel so we can hang out more!!!

Me, Angie, Autumn, and Marly

Long car ride

   

Angie, Me, Marly

The last vacation I took last summer was back to California for some shopping with Angie, Jackie, and Marly! This one was a little different because I was traveling all by myself for the first time EVER!! But NBD I was totally fine and had no nerves what so ever, I did not like the part where I had to sit next a stranger and had no one to talk to but other than that it was ok just ok... Anyways once I flew from Arizona to San Francisco because Angie  had testing in Palo Alto on Thursday and then Friday we both had our infusions as you can see our vacation hadn't really started yet.  During the infusion on Friday Jackie went and picked up the rental car and then came and got me and Angie. Well I'd be lying if I told you it was that easy actually Jackie ended up bringing a rental car that was to small because the rental car place was giving her trouble and instead of a mid- size SUV they gave her a small car with a small trunk that could not fit both wheelchairs. After all the confusion we figured out how to make things work and began our many road trip to Delano, which is a very small town in California. Fast forward to the next day, we drove for 2 hours to CITADEL OUTLET MALL in LA!!! We spent all day
all day there shopping for new school clothes

CITADEL

and they had a Converse outlet store there so we all got a new chucks, my newest obsession! After a long day we drove back to Delano and the next morning I went to their extremely small airport and went home to get ready for the start of my SENIOR YEAR!!! Thanks to the Mendoza's for going shopping with me and I can't wait to go again!!!
 

Saying good-bye

  

Football Friday!

Me, Byron Murphy, Justin

If any of you follow me on instagram then you know what every Friday is!!! and if you don't then you should follow me (Kiannawhite13)!!! But for those who don't know Football season has started and my family is super excited, honestly I'm usually not too excited because I really don't care to much for football but this seasons a little different because my cousin Byron Murphy is starting high school football! He's a sophomore on varsity so that's pretty awesome! I never really watched a full high school football game but its for family and actually knowing someone on the team is way more fun! I guess watching someone you know playing in the game is much more fun and interesting in my opinion. It turns out I love watching him play, it's just cool to watch him do so good;)! Really weird because I have no interest in any other football haha! In order to be prepared we had to represent so we got T-shirts made with his number and name on them and everything. Of course I had to get a bedazzled one by Luv My Bling, a bling store in Arizona, That has a Marcos De Niza football helmet on the  front with padres under it and on the back it has Murphy at the top with the number 2 underneath! Its pretty cool looking! To say the least we are very proud of him. He has worked so hard and continues to work so hard to achieve his goals. He's always been athletic and played tons of sports throughout his life so far and I guess I like watching him because its nice to see that there are people out there who aren't taking what was given to them for granted. He's one of those people who really has a passion for sports and just loves the game. You could really tell too! Hopefully one day I can say hey that's my cousin and he's in the NFL, among other things to embarrass him about that I know;) So far we have attended 4 games in a row and his team has won 4 games so they are undefeated and I hope it stays that way!!! But we're off to a good start! Anyways I don't want to blow his head up to much but Byron if you're reading this I'm so proud of you and you're doing an awesome job. I think I speak for everyone when I say we are extremely proud of what you have accomplished so far in life and we will always be your #1 fans plus cheerleaders even though you have tons already! I hope you continue to do an awesome job and I love you!!!

Cousin Mikayla and Me on our way to the first Game of the Season!

Back of T-Shirt

The front of my Football T-Shirt

Ellen Degenerous

So I haven't been blogging in a while but hopefully now that it is summer I can devote more time to my blog! Anyways if you don't already know i have been trying to get to the Ellen show! I have tried emailing and letter writing as well as other amazing people writing in for my family but nothing has worked so far... So I decided to do something a bit more public you could say, I have put a picture on Facebook with a small passage somewhat explaining my story... I have put myself in a position to be judged in whatever way people like and I wasn't really sure what the results were going to be but you know what they say "you have to put yourself out there in order to get the things you want."I happy to say they have been very positive for the most part!!! there is the occasional negative comment that says things like "I don't deserve it " or "I am using my disorder to get special treatment" but of course you can't put yourself out there and expect everyone to like you! So I see them and keep scrolling. It has only been about 4 days I think and I have around 150k and counting!! But I need more help so please if you have a facebook instagram or twitter to please share the link with Ellen DeGenerous and your friends!! I really need everyones support  I'd REALLY APPRECIATE it!!!

Copy and paste the link below and like and share the picture with Ellen and all your friends

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151638723523850&set=o.26012002239&type=1&theater&notif_t=photo_comment

Mps moms

There is a certain type of species that are so incredible that you wouldn't believe they are real but they are because I know some personally! The moms of MPS! They are amazing and let me just tell you they go through things yearly, no monthly, no weekly, no daily that some mothers wouldn't ever have to imagine. These mothers are some of the strongest people I know... The moms I know are my mom Darla, Trey's mom Cami, Sadie's mom Erin, Autumn's mom Sylina, and Angie's mom Jackie, the moms of the A-Team! These moms give so much to take care of us everyday and never show how much they struggle and the hard things they go through. Their love for us is bigger then the distance between the sun and earth. They have sacrificed so much for us they have cried for us, they have been angry for us, and they been confused for us. They have had to watch us while we go through things that they can't control and they've been strong for us while we cried in their laps. Not only the tough times have they been there for us but also the good times like making us laugh until our stomachs hurt or taking us shopping or just making us feel normal! Our moms are the best because they see us bigger then what we really are. They encourage us to be all that we can be plus more and challenge us to see the world as a beautiful place because as we all know it can be harsh. I could go on for hours and hours about how awesome you guys are but more importantly I want you amazing group of super women to have an AMAZINGLY AWESOME MOTHERS DAY!

I'd like to dedicate this post to Darla, Cami, Erin, Sylina, and Jackie you guys are amazing moms and do so much for us. You've sacrificed more than we will ever know and I just wanted to make sure you know that I appreciate everything you do for us, it's truly a blessing and honor that we were given  mothers like you guys, someone must have thought we were pretty special to give us you.

Adventures of the trials

There's not much I need to say except watch and enjoy because its all in the video!

Click on the link to watch my youtube video!

http://youtu.be/9f8358rO7n8

The Biomarin Advisory

This past weekend I attended the Biomarin Advisory for the current study I am in! And I've got to say I was a little nervous about going to this meeting but once I got there that feeling quickly went away. Saturday my mom, brother, and aunt Michelle all flew out to San Francisco. Once we got there we immediately changed and went out to sight see and meet up with Tracy to
go to the mirror maze. Which so much fun and super cool, it was only like a 10 minute activity but it was still fun and a it's always awesome seeing Tracy! After that we had to rush back to the Omni Hotel, which was absolutely gorgeous like Titanic beautiful, anyways we had to take a public bus through China town which if you ever have it's definitely experience in itself but it was definitely interesting! When we got back we went and met for registration and a casual meeting at like 5:30-6:45 where we met the people we would be talking with and played an ice breaker game but everyone just ended up mingling in the end but it was nice! After, we went to an Italian dinner with everyone and then we went to bed, in one of the softest bed I've ever slept in!!! Day 2: We all woke up nice and refreshed! Speaking for myself of course! Then got ready in our business casual attire for a long day ahead. The first introduction meeting was about 15 minutes long and then we got to break out into smaller groups split between the teen, the adults, and the parents. So once they got done it was time to really get to business, all the teens went into a separate room and they began to ask us questions like, "what things do you like to do? What's something's about you that you want us to know?" Of course I admitted to my deep love of Justin Bieber, writing, and shopping but what's new?! Next they asked questions about the study like, "have you had any side effects?, what has your experience been while doing the study " and other questions to follow. I was very happy that Dr. Harmatz convinced us to go to this meeting because I met a lot of new friends and got to get my opinions out about how I feel. I met a girl named Sarah who is 15 and loves Harry Potter and really doesn't like Justin Bieber at all... Buts that's okay she's still awesome! I also met a girl named Laurie and she loves Justin Bieber as much as I do, and she was so pretty and super nice!!! I'm so glad we met and I really hope to see you guys again!!!

Do's and Don'ts of traveling

As you all know I fly somewhat frequently, you could say and I am kind of a traveller so I have a bit of experience when it comes to airport and airplanes. I wanted to give you guys some Do's and Don'ts so your travels go a bit smoother!

DO'S
1. Always fly SouthWest Airlines - I am probably a little bit biased when it comes to airlines because its pretty much the only one I have flown with more than once and its been fun for the most part with a few minor incidents ;) But if you're not flying in a private jet or first class take SouthWest they are the best!!!

2. Dress comfortably with style - Besides the fact that you will be sitting in a seat for at least the minimum 45 minutes on a plane without delays you should really consider this tip because there is nothing worse then wasting a completely adorable outfit sitting on a plane. So might I suggest yoga pants, leggings, or a cute tracksuit or jeggings come on girls comfortable is the new black give it a try!

• Don't take this to literal and come in your PJ's its only cute if you're under 10! Also be careful what you wear because I always see "What not to wear " moments, where are Stacey and Clinton when you need them!
• Only wear heels if you can run in them because there is a chance you can be running late!! just something to think about.

3. Keep your bags light-Bags are total pain in the butt if you don't have anyone to carry them for you, so I would limit it to one bag and try to keep it light. Also if you are bringing a carry on make sure it is small enough to fit up above or by your feet and if it doesn't you might have to check it which is a pain in the butt too!

• For the people who don't know what to consider a carry on, it should be able to fit in a bin and if you have a hard time getting it down the narrow aisles its probably to big!

4. Make friends with the flight attendants (not enemies)-When first getting on the plane make sure to observe the flight attendants but don't be a stalker or a creeper just pay attention 9/10 times they are super nice and friendly but just in case be cautious. Try to be fun on the plane after all you will be thousands of feet in the air with these people might as well make friends along the way. It could be pretty fun if you just let loose! They give you extra goodies if you're cool enough.

5. Blankets are a must- Blankets are a must for me when traveling because I am either cold or need a pillow and my blanket is just something that is light weight, soft, and easy to fold up.

DON'TS
1. Avoid the middle seat at all costs-I am always stuck with the middle seat and it really isn't that fun luckily I usually know the people on both sides of  me so I can lean on them but if you get stuck with the middle seat you will usually have the least amount of room and won't have any arm rest, which stinks let me tell ya. So avoid the middle seat at all cost unless by chance it happens to be someone like Justin Bieber haha ;)

2. Get on the plane without full battery-When all else fails and you are tired and just want to get home, you go to put in your earphones and turn on your phone but its dead the dreaded empty battery picture, worst... thing ...ever...( I'm totally being dramatic). Thats why when your waiting for your flight make sure to find an outlet and plug in. Just in case bring something else to occupy your time or try and fall asleep. The plane is a good place to just take time and think about things that you don't have time for usually.

3. Eat anything that will cause stomach problems-Let's not ignore the obvious we are in tight spaces with no windows to open so therefore try not to eat things that can make your stomach not feel so well. Stay away from the greasy stuff and whatever else may upset your stomach please for the sake of everyone else on the flight. Think before you eat!

• Don't sit near babies if you can't handle the occasional stinky diapers. Hey give them a break you were a baby once and the moms do the best they can but they can't help it!

4. Bring any expensive liquids with you(unless under 3oz)-Its the worst when you have to throw out a drink you just bought but its even more worse when you have throw out your favorite scent of perfume or lotion! So keep it light and small or else it goes in the garbage no exceptions trust me we've tried!

5. Make enemies of the flight attendants-Making enemies with the flight attendants is one of the most awkward things ever especially if you are sitting up front and must make eye contact occasionally or over hear them telling the other flight attendants what just went down. Hey everyones human and gossip is contagious;) By chance you don't get along with a flight attendant or whatever the case may be just chill and get home thats all that matters unless you're trying to leave Hawaii then just stay a little longer!

• You can be kicked off for a bad attitude so just be nice!

A little ink never hurt nobody

Surprise:
So I did something very unexpected and I got a TATTOO! yep you just read that right a TATTOO! Now anyone who knows me knows that I used to be against getting a TATTOO but over the past few years things changed and so did my outlook on TATTOOs, WAIT A MINUTE, hold your horses this doesn't mean I am going to become addicted and get them everywhere but I think that one or two are just fine for me! I was very scared and nervous but I did not want to back out because it was something very important to me and let me tell you it was all in my head the tattoo didn't even hurt that bad!!
Experience: 
Basically I was suppose to get my tattoo on Saturday but I didn't because I didn't have my birth certificate on top of my ID and my mom's ID(who knew!) so my mom got her foot tattoo and I had to wait until the next day which was bad because I was so nervous that I couldn't eat nothing  or focus on my homework either!!! So Sunday came around and I was nervous but so ready to do it. The moment came and I got on the table and the nervous tears began but only lasted until the tattoo artist began and thats when I realize I was totally over thinking this whole thing and the excruciating pain was not excruciating at all! But was heart was pounding out of my chest and luckily I had my mom and my cousin Traci there to hold my hand and experience the whole thing!
Reasoning:
I got the tattoo "Believe in Yourself" because I think it's something that everyone should always do and I think that I have forgotten to do it myself recently more than ever. I have been caught up in trying to meet everyone else expectations in  me and trying to be good enough for everyone but me and wanting everyone to believe in me but I realized everyone already did the only person who wasn't was me! I then realized it doesn't matter how many people believe in me if I don't believe in myself then there's no use right? I also realized I don't need to work to be good enough for anyone but me. I guess I was waiting for people to stop telling me every little thing I need to improve on and just say "you are trying your best and your best is good enough right now and you are good enough" but no one did so I thought I needed to do more but I am glad to say I was wrong! I just needed to believe in myself and stop worrying about pleasing everyone else because I can't but I can please myself! Oh and the three doves symbolize inner peace, tranquility, and hope. So I hope you like my tattoo and if you don't that's ok too because I LOVE it!
Thanks:
I can't end my post without saying thank you to Modern Ink and Thomas the tattoo artist who did my beautiful tattoo and my mom and Traci for helping me do this and everyone else who believed in me and helped me believe in myself I couldn't possibly name everyone but I hope you know who you are!!!

The list?!?!

So one day when I was at my grandma's house during the summer time and I was bored, there was this pad and paper sitting in front of me so I started doodling silly pictures. Then I decided to make a list! I thought about how cool it would be to have a list of my wildest dreams that I wanted to accomplish in life! I like the idea of one day taking it out and realizing I crossed a goal that I've had for a long time off because I completed a dream that I always wanted to happen. Last year I was struggling through life at the time and writing this list helped me believe that one day it's going to be worth it and it will get better that life is hard at the moment but my future will be bright. The list is simply a piece of paper that could essentially just mean absolutely nothing or it could be the one thing that when i look back at my life I say "I knew things were going to change" but it doesn't matter because my thoughts are forever changing and nothing is ever set in stone. My list is truly what I want in life without a doubt if nothing else happens I want these ten things to happen. These 10 things are more than wishing for a million dollars or having the perfect future they aren't things that could be reached in a day or even a year but I know they will be reached someday. Some of these things are completely ridiculous, don't make sense, and just a little crazy but that right there is my life story so why not? I really don't have a number order I just wrote them down as they came to mind, life has no order so neither does my list. Here it is...

Change A Life- I want to impact someone's life the way mine has been impacted, I want to influence people to be better and inspire them to try harder and help them accomplish their dreams.

Meet Justin Bieber- what kind of teenager would I be if I didn't throw in meeting my idol/ obsession/ teen heartthrob come on you know me better than that! I'm still a teenager and I had to put at least one crazy goal in here.

Make A Difference- I want to make the world better for more than just because it sounds good but because it needs to be changed.

Start A Charity- I love charities and having my own would be amazing. I'm not exactly sure what I want yet but I know I will figure it out.

Make A Lifetime Friend- Having and being a lifetime friend is something that I think everyone wants, some who is there for you no matter what and doesn't have to be by your side 24/7 to know how you're doing. Someone who is just there.

Find Out Who I Am- It's no secret that once you become a teenager everything changes and there are things that you need to figure out so that's what I plan to do.

Write A Book- I really want to tell my story to people by writing a book because I know that there are people who may be going through the same things I have and don't know what to do so they can read about my journey and it may help them with theirs.

 Make My Dream Happen- I am not exactly sure what my dream is but when I know I will make it happen.

Find My Purpose- everyone has a purpose thats the easy part but finding it is hard. Knowing is half the battle right?

Be Happy- I want to look back on my life and be able to say it may not have been the easiest but I am happy with the way it turned out and I wouldn't change a thing.

Honestly, like I said before, this may just be a small piece of paper with scribbles and doodles on it that mean absolutely nothing or it could be the one thing I have 20 years from now that is proof of my dreams and who knows I may have changed the world by then, written my book, and just got done hanging out with my BFF justin bieber;) who knows anything can happen. Just try and don't give up and if it doesn't happen then I've still have time:) Plus if I have time I would really love to go to the Ellen Show, that would be super amazing!