Here's a story

 The thing is I have so much appreciation for my life, my family, and friends and the things I have, that I don't get why people don't appreciate what they have. I think it's so sad how I can see people and how many advantages they have over me and still aren't happy about their lives like it's not enough. So here's a story...

 One day there was a little girl who had her who life ahead of her with no worry in the world. She thought the world was filled with nice people and didn't know about hate or the pain she would endure. One day in a matter of seconds her life would change with news that she really didn't understand but from that moment she knew that the world she thought was so great wasn't really that great. She would learn that kids could be mean and life could be hard. That she couldn't really be a cheerleader or a dancer or a model. She realized she had to do more things she didn't like then she did. She had this silly thought of what life could be and how it'd all turn out but she was wrong. She has been hurt more times then she could count, called names that cut her deep, and sat alone on Friday nights more often then not. Cried herself to sleep because she just wanted to know why this happened to her, had to listen to people tell her it could be worse and she should be grateful she's alive, watch people walk in and out of her life like it's ok, work hard every single day of her life and still not see the reward but she still works hard. She's still hopeful, she still keeps her head up, she still continues to work her butt off, and she still believes one day it will all be worth it. And even though her life is far from perfect, she doesn't always have enough money and isn't always busy the way she wants to be, she still appreciates her mom who works harder than any person she's ever met and even though she couldn't give her everything she's ever wanted she didn't need to, she has  brothers who always have her back, an aunt and uncle who always have room in their house and tons of love in their hearts, awesome cousins who she always has fun with even though it's crazy sometimes. She loves and appreciates her life so much. She has a family full of cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends but no dad... After all that she's still content not always happy or sad but content with her life. She appreciates it all, that she is me. Life isn't always perfect, sometimes far from it but appreciate what you have because it goes fast, people get old, and time gets away. Tell your family you love them and appreciate them. Tell your friends you're glad their there and tell yourself that you're doing the best you can. Appreciate the decisions you've made and the mistakes that happened. Take the time to give yourself a break. Appreciate the good moments and the ones that make you stronger. Live in the moment and love everyday because one day you're going to wish you did. Just take time to appreciate the little things... Just know I appreciate you and love you so much! pass on the message and show your appreciation!:)

OBSESSIONS

Hey!!! So I wanted share some of my Obsessions with you guys because I thinks its fun to know more about my goofy silly side! Check some new and old ones!!

1. CONVERSE

I Converse are so so cute and I am in love with them! so far I have a red, black, pink, and white pair!! I wear them like everyday!

2. LEGGINGS/ JEGGINGS

I know they look like jeans but they are jeggings!!! so comfortable I barely own jeans anymore

3. GHIRADELLI CHOCOLATE

The easiest way to my heart and smile besides bieber;)

4. PADRE FOOTBALL 

Football every Friday! Its fun together with family and watch the game and hang

5. PINK

My favorite color and its always will be

6. INSTAGRAM

Instagram is my Favorite app! I love it and seeing peoples pictures is so fun!!!

7. ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW

No secret that I love Ellen and her show! Plus I am still trying to get on it!!

8. BASEBALL TEES

They are so cute and comfy!!!

9. DAIRY QUEEN BLIZZARDS

I have like 3 or 4 a week... Kinda of bad but I do get mini's so its not that bad right?!

10. JUSTIN BIEBER

Come on now?! I still get questions like do you still like him? OF COURSE I DO!  always will

 

Moments of weakness

You know how sometimes you want to say something but you don't know what to say? Well I do that a lot on this blog, I battle with myself wondering whether I should share my more inner personal thoughts because at times it's hard to hear and handle. I write and rewrite and let these moments of weakness blog post build up in my archive. This is one of those times but since this is my blog and I want you guys to try and experience my journey through me I have to share each side. I try to make the best of every situation most of the time but there's a lot of the time that that's not the case at all... So here I am this is real and raw but it's me...

There are times when I just don't understand why things are happening the way that they are, I don't get why my family was chosen to go through this, why some of my friends families were chosen either. I know it's not right to question the things that there is no answer to because it can drive you crazy but in those moments of weakness when nothing is going right and all the odds are stacked against me it's really hard not to. It's hard trying to figure out how to put the right words together to get people to understand and it's frustrating when they don't. They say you know what things will get better but when you have surgeries, infusions, doctor appointments, and therapies its hard to believe it sometimes. When I was a little girl before I was diagnosed I had so many different ideas about what my life would be and how it would turn out. There are things that I see everyday that I wish I could be doing and experiencing, or I wonder if only I was able to try it would I be good at it? I wish someone would wake me up and say its just a weird dream... But of course its not. I have a hard time letting people in because what I have experienced so far is, once I do they don't stay for long. So I find myself feeling like it's my fault that they don't come back and I know its not but its still hard to get that from the back of my head. There's reasons why people come and go in life, why things happen the way they do, and why I am the way I am. People spend their whole lives just going through motions, I don't want to be one of those people. I don't want to let life pass me by "waiting for things to get better" because they won't without me doing something about it. But in these moments of weakness where I think about how hard it is to miss out on some of the simplest pleasures is something that probably won't ever go away. I'll probably have a few more throughout my life time but I can't hold them in anymore and since this is what I made this blog for I should use it to the fullest extent. Life's not always rainbows and unicorns with flying glitter everywhere, so don't feel bad that I have a few bad thoughts today because these little moments of weakness help me realize who I really am and that I am just human with a tiny bit of super powers;) and in the end just like the good these moments won't last forever. That's why they are called moments because as soon as they begin they end. Thanks for letting vent...

Summer Vacation!!!!

Me Cousin Byron 

Marly, me, Angie, Sylina, Autumn <3

The next big vacation was San Diego! We planned a weekend to have fun in the sun! It was pretty good time I have to say, we went with my cousins beyonce, Byron, Terrell (T2), and their parents Shannon and TJ. We also travelled with Jackie and her girls. So as usual my mom and I went to treatment on Thursday but after we got done we ended up staying over night with Jackie, Angie, and Marly at the Hyatt house in Emeryville, that turned in to our temporary home in Oakland for the pasts 2 years. Anyways we had dinner that night and went to bed and then flew to San Diego the next morning. Once we got to San Diego we met up with my cousins and brother, to go to lunch at Smash brother Burgers because we were all starving! Then went to Del Mar Beach. Later that day Sylina and Autumn met up with us and we spent all day at the beach and had so much fun! I ended up getting a tan and everyone else got sun burnt!:) After a day at the beach my mom, me , Angie, Jackie, and Marly, along with Sylina and Autumn went back to our hotel to go swimming! After the pool we were all so hungry that we went decided to go to On the Boarder and sadly because Justin and my cousins weren't at the same hotel and they were still tired from the beach so went without them but we still had a lot of fun! You kind of had to be there so if you were there you know what I mean and if you weren't you missed out!! So the next day we all met up to go to the San Diego zoo, which is one of the biggest

Beyonce, TJ, Shannon, Me Byron, T2, Justin, My mom

zoos ever!! Anyways it was a lot of fun seeing all of the different animals there but of course my favorite was the giraffes! OMG they are just so beautiful! I love them! Those weren't the only animals we saw though we also saw elephants, polar bears, monkeys, birds, snakes, and I can't forget the gorillas because the boys made us walk all around the zoo twice to find them, no joke but they ended up finding them and they were pretty cool too! After the zoo we all went out to eat at some Mexican  restaurant, that I totally forgot the name of but it was so good! We all so much fun and the trip was definitely not long enough for me but it was so amazing! I am so glad I got to go on a vacation with some of my closest friends and family, it is something I will always remember! We have to do it again!!!! Next time we should all be in the same hotel so we can hang out more!!!

Me, Angie, Autumn, and Marly

Long car ride

   

Angie, Me, Marly

The last vacation I took last summer was back to California for some shopping with Angie, Jackie, and Marly! This one was a little different because I was traveling all by myself for the first time EVER!! But NBD I was totally fine and had no nerves what so ever, I did not like the part where I had to sit next a stranger and had no one to talk to but other than that it was ok just ok... Anyways once I flew from Arizona to San Francisco because Angie  had testing in Palo Alto on Thursday and then Friday we both had our infusions as you can see our vacation hadn't really started yet.  During the infusion on Friday Jackie went and picked up the rental car and then came and got me and Angie. Well I'd be lying if I told you it was that easy actually Jackie ended up bringing a rental car that was to small because the rental car place was giving her trouble and instead of a mid- size SUV they gave her a small car with a small trunk that could not fit both wheelchairs. After all the confusion we figured out how to make things work and began our many road trip to Delano, which is a very small town in California. Fast forward to the next day, we drove for 2 hours to CITADEL OUTLET MALL in LA!!! We spent all day
all day there shopping for new school clothes

CITADEL

and they had a Converse outlet store there so we all got a new chucks, my newest obsession! After a long day we drove back to Delano and the next morning I went to their extremely small airport and went home to get ready for the start of my SENIOR YEAR!!! Thanks to the Mendoza's for going shopping with me and I can't wait to go again!!!
 

Saying good-bye

  

Football Friday!

Me, Byron Murphy, Justin

If any of you follow me on instagram then you know what every Friday is!!! and if you don't then you should follow me (Kiannawhite13)!!! But for those who don't know Football season has started and my family is super excited, honestly I'm usually not too excited because I really don't care to much for football but this seasons a little different because my cousin Byron Murphy is starting high school football! He's a sophomore on varsity so that's pretty awesome! I never really watched a full high school football game but its for family and actually knowing someone on the team is way more fun! I guess watching someone you know playing in the game is much more fun and interesting in my opinion. It turns out I love watching him play, it's just cool to watch him do so good;)! Really weird because I have no interest in any other football haha! In order to be prepared we had to represent so we got T-shirts made with his number and name on them and everything. Of course I had to get a bedazzled one by Luv My Bling, a bling store in Arizona, That has a Marcos De Niza football helmet on the  front with padres under it and on the back it has Murphy at the top with the number 2 underneath! Its pretty cool looking! To say the least we are very proud of him. He has worked so hard and continues to work so hard to achieve his goals. He's always been athletic and played tons of sports throughout his life so far and I guess I like watching him because its nice to see that there are people out there who aren't taking what was given to them for granted. He's one of those people who really has a passion for sports and just loves the game. You could really tell too! Hopefully one day I can say hey that's my cousin and he's in the NFL, among other things to embarrass him about that I know;) So far we have attended 4 games in a row and his team has won 4 games so they are undefeated and I hope it stays that way!!! But we're off to a good start! Anyways I don't want to blow his head up to much but Byron if you're reading this I'm so proud of you and you're doing an awesome job. I think I speak for everyone when I say we are extremely proud of what you have accomplished so far in life and we will always be your #1 fans plus cheerleaders even though you have tons already! I hope you continue to do an awesome job and I love you!!!

Cousin Mikayla and Me on our way to the first Game of the Season!

Back of T-Shirt

The front of my Football T-Shirt