Decisions

Decisions. I've made countless decisions for many years and I'm sure you have to. I mean we make them everyday what to wear, what to eat and everything under the sun. I think it's absolutely crazy how many decisions that we make everyday, I mean I am the type of person who likes to think about my decisions fully and try to think about the outcome and sometimes a little to much. At age 3 I made a decision that I didn't know I made at the time but It had a lot of relevance, you want to know what it was? It was that I would never loose my favorite pink crayon and you know what? I lost it. And you're probably wondering what this has to do with anything but it does because when I went into high school I made the decision that I wasn't going to loose who I was and went in thinking I knew everything about myself, so naive but so true... Sadly I lost myself completely it was like Alice in the wonderland... I fell down the hole and I just kept falling. It was the worst feeling I've could've ever felt. My 16th year was the hardest year for me, it was awful, that was the year where I had my big neck surgery and started infusions. That year I was definitely tested and for a little bit I was broken... Yes broken and I didn't know what to do, I felt so lost and so alone at times. Most nights I would cry myself to sleep knowing that the next day I would have to try 10 times harder than everyone else and know at the end of the day it wasn't good enough... While everyone was telling me I was so strong and doing such a good job, I didn't believe them. I was so stressed out and frustrated at the fact that I couldn't handle it, I couldn't handle all the pressure, all the make up work, the bad grades, the traveling and letting people down. At the time one of my worst fears was letting people down. I was asked constantly " what I needed to make this easier?" And unfortunately it was my first time going through this and I had absolutely no answer... I didn't know what was going to make my life easier and at One point there was nothing that could help me in my mind. My 16th year I had changed and it wasn't something I could've hidden. The feelings were overwhelming and for the that year I was miserable but at the same time I learned some of the biggest lessons that if I didn't go through all those moments those lessons wouldn't have been as important to me. The lessons were

1. Life is... Life is a roller coaster and now matter how high or low you are or how sick and tired you feel it will get better because no matter how far that roller coaster is from the top it has to go up eventually.

2. I am not perfect and I don't have to worry about the expectations of anyone except myself because at the end of the day I am the one who has to look at myself in the mirror and smile about my decisions.

3. I am different and I need different help and its ok to get it.

And you know I have to put some bieber in here somewhere, so here are the words that helped me sleep at night...

Through the storm and, through the clouds
Bumps on the road and upside down now
I know it's hard, to sleep at night
Don't you worry
Cause Everything's gonna be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
Be alright, ai-ai-ai-aight
Through the sorrow,
And the fights
Don't you worry,
Cause everything's gonna Be Alright,ai-ai-ai-aight
Be Alright,ai-ai-ai-aight..

The point of this post was that the decisions you make can effect your life in enormous ways positively or negatively and whether you know it or not the littlest things can change your  life so do whatever you want just know what ever decisions you make will make an impact your life and it will change. I am making the decision to be happy and ride this scary roller coaster we call LIFE :) So ride it with me and know everything is going to be alright;)