Senior Pictures

Grad announcements

BIG SHOUT OUT TO MALLORY FRAUGHTON, THE AMAZING PHOTOGRAPHER AND GREAT FRIEND WHO TOOK MY SENIOR PICTURES FOR ME! THANKS MALLORY! IF YOU EVER NEED PICTURES DONE LOOK HER UP OR VISIT HER WEBSITE!! I EVEN LEAVE YOU HER LINK!!! http://malannfraughton.wix.com/mallory

High school recap/ graduation!

Hey guys! So recently a lot has been going on so I'm going to give a couple major life updates in this one post so be prepared! 

The first major life change that has happened is I was apart of the graduating class of 2014! Which is very exciting in every way possible for me! High school was very difficult for me in a lot more ways than one! I wouldn't say that I'm one of those people who are going to want to go back anytime soon... Here's a little recap on each year

Freshman: For me freshman year was my favorite year! That year made me somewhat hopeful for the next three years ahead. I was  very involved in student council, my grades were awesome, my social life was great, and everything seemed like it was finally falling into place. I made it through the year and then that summer I had a surgery that I was dreading for 2 straight years and that's when things began to take a turn. For my whole summer I pretty much spent it recovering and trying to get ready to go back to school on time with everybody else. I was determined to do it and I did! But it definitely wasn't easy! Took a while.

Sophomore: sophomore year began a little rocky due to the surgery and other things. Not only was I trying to recover from surgery but I also had a full schedule and was apart of student council still. If that doesn't sound like a lot we were also in the beginning stages of the trial in Oakland. But my friends were still awesome and things were hectic but it was somewhat in control until I began traveling to Oakland every week officially. After that I began to lose control kind of slow and steady. Not only were things starting to go wrong physically but also mentally I was starting question a lot of things that normal teenagers do like, my friends, who I was, and want I wanted in life for example. By the end of sophomore year I was ready for summer. Unfortunately before it ended I had to drop student council to make my schedule a little easier.

Junior: probably the worst year out of all the years. I would say that this year I was very sad and frustrated with how life was going for me. I began to become more isolated from everyone and more moody than normal. I was very closed off and I didn't care as much but at the same time cared too much. My grades were at an all time low, the study was stressing me out makeup work was piling up, I felt very lost in everyway, and I felt very alone. I really tried to get things back on track I joined a community service class, I changed my class load and tried to be more happy but all those things just made it worse. My community service class demanded a lot of time I didn't have and I was always behind luckily I had amazing teachers in that class that were very understanding and helpful but I still felt bad about how much extra slack the were cutting me. Oakland was Oakland it was demanding but started to become regular and little did I know that's where I'd find structure. By the end of junior year I was completely done with this stage of my life. I was ready to graduate and move on and make them distant memories.

Senior: by senior year I was just existing, only had to be there 5 hours out of the day and four days out of the week so I was pretty much not really there. When I wasn't there I was either at home or in Oakland. My social life was very chill to put it in a nice way and I was really just trying to focus on trying to balance and juggle everything else so it was somewhat on the back burner. It really did fly by and went painfully slow at the end but it ended and I couldn't have been happier some might question the amount of excitement I had as way too much! But if you were in my shoes You'd understand. 

High school wasn't at all what I expected it to be, within those four years I completely lost who I was and began to question everything. Most importantly I started to doubt myself. I started to believe that this is all that life was full of bad days and sleepless nights with tiny breaks in between. That I would just have to figure out how to survive. Of course I was wrong and I kind of knew that all along in the back of my head but you know I'm a teenager and I have to figure things out the hard way sometimes.

Before I continue to tell you guys the second part of my good news I have to give a special shout out to some pretty awesome teachers I had....

1. Mr.Hardt- Psychology and Government: This guy right here is so amazing in more ways than one, he really did help me become a better and more assertive person. He was one of those teachers who cared less about your grade point average and more about who we were as individual people. He really did care more than he led on too! Mr.Hardt if you are reading this thank you so much for helping me remember how to believe in myself again and teaching me how to be more assertive, I'm still working on it but I'm improving everyday. I can't wait to bring back my University Diploma to hang on your wall!!!

2.Mrs. Sylss- Jr. English/GC105: So as I said above Jr year was the hardest year for me and probably my all time low. Well I had this IEP meeting that I always dreaded because basically its where all your teachers get together with your parents and counsellors to tell them about your progress... At that time I was a perfectionist and my grades were definitely not cutting it. I had a major break down because everyone was looking to me to tell them what to do and I felt like a complete failure... Well this woman right here gave me some tissues and pulled me to the side and told me "Kianna you've got to let go and to stop being a perfectionist. You are way to hard on yourself and you're making things harder.  You've got to believe in yourself because I know you can do it" Mrs. Sylss if you're reading this thank you so much for everything you did for me! That small pep talk is really when things began to change for me and I began to start believing in who I was again. That pep talk also had a little something to do with my tattoo too. I really appreciate everything, you are an amazing teacher with an amazing personality and you taught me a lot, I will be forever grateful. Thank You tons!

Finally for my second major life announcement I have been accepted to..... ARIZONA STATE UNIVERSITY!!! I'm officially a sundevil! I am so excited for this new chapter of my life to start. I am so ready for a new adventure with new people and tons of new opportunities to be seen! I'll be posting a more info about it later but for now lets just enjoy and take this all in!

Before I officially I end this post I have to shout out all of the people who came out and showed support for me and the ones who sent love who just couldn't make it! Especially to the ones who came out and cheered the loudest for me I love you guys so much! you really don't understand how much it meant to me! I am forever grateful to all you wonderful people. I love you guys!

Just love my family definitely faves

best couple in the world, love them

One of my favorite people in the world

Forever Friends, Love her

Best Friend in the world

one of my Favorite cousins

best influence in my life 

Oakland

Sometimes you don't realize how much people change your life or how much you'll miss the people you see everyday until you no longer get to. This is kind of hard to write because as weird as this sounds it's the end of the study and as of right now I'm not sure if I'm ready for it to be. Since I haven't been updating you guys regularly you probably wouldn't know that the study has come to an end because the drug now called Vimizn was approved on February 14, 2014! Which is amazing news right? Yes, it is but with the approval of the drug also means no more traveling with the people I love the most or seeing all the amazing people I met on this journey... It's hard to explain the experience I had with these people because it was really indescribable. 

No one will ever understand what happened there, no one will ever understand how extremely hard it was to have to just stop your everyday routine and go do something that might not have even worked, no will understand what it felt like to see my classmates doing the things I wanted to that I missed out on, no one will ever understand the stress, the tears, the anger, the frustration, and the confusion. No one will ever understand how much everyone in the study sacrificed to be there. It's really one of those things that I can't explain you just had to be there to experience it. If you were there You know.

It's kind of ironic how easy Oakland was for me. When I was there I could really be myself, I knew because when I was there I was happy I felt confident in the things I did and said. I wasn't afraid to speak up and I laughed a ton. Now it sucks to come home and realize that's over for the time being. I'm going to miss going to Oakland and the easiness of it all, I'm going to miss that when I wasn't there I felt missed, I truly and genuinely felt loved and appreciated all the time. I'm really going to miss the easiness and ironically it's been the best time ever. Now don't get me wrong when I say easy because I don't mean easy in the way you may think, going to Oakland every week was everything but easy. What I mean is that the relationships I built with everyone was easy, that it wasn't hard to find my place there. It wasn't hard to fit in and be yourself around everyone. It wasn't just the hospital either it was the taxi drivers, the hotel workers, the doctors, nurses, other families, the flight attendants, the Southwest staff, security, and everyone else that we met along the way. It was like a whole other life, a whole other world that I didn't know could exist. Oakland made me feel like a visitor in my own state, it made me feel like the new kid at school, like I transferred in the middle of the year and everyone already had there clique so there really wasn't a place for me. It was ironic in a way that at the beginning it was the place I dreaded on going to but ended up feeling more at home than any place I've ever been before... Here's the thing I will always miss Oakland and the way things used to be, I will always miss my friends that became family and how comfortable I felt with all of them. I knew that it'd come eventually and leaving Oakland for the last time and going down those white hallways leaving the "basement" for good was probably the saddest moment in my life so far but everything that happened within those two years and the people I got really attached to will always hold a special place in my heart. You guys really changed my life and I really appreciate each and everyone of you. Thank you for everything.

 

New year, new perspective

Happy new year everyone! I hope you had a nice holiday and spent tons of time with your family and loved ones! I know I did. So this year I am trying to find a way to blog more and keep my followers  more in the loop:).( btw: as you can tell it's not really working out) I could not be more happy about the new year because even though 2013 was interesting, I am so ready for the year 2014! 2013 definitely made me realize who was really there for me and who would just be fun memories. It helped me realize that I need to put myself out there to make things happen and when you least expect it hard work will pay off. That you can't please everyone and you can't be perfect. That there are times when you're wrong and you just need to admit it and there are times when no one else will but you've got to respect yourself enough to say how you feel. 2013 was ok but I'm going to make 2014 better! It's my year:) I will be working hard to make my dreams come true! In the months to come I am  going to be finishing my senior year out, going to college and continuing to work hard. 2013 made realize that no matter how much time we think we have it will never be enough, So we've got to cherish every moment, the meaningless ones, the boring ones, and the smallest ones that don't really matter at the time and the one's you couldn't dream of forgetting. Remember that we as human beings if nothing at all owe it to each other to respect the ones around us and even  the ones who aren't. That in a world where people tend to care less about others and more about themselves, we should be the people to care more. 2013 was an eye opener for me, it went by super fast and there were so many good things that happened but its time for a change and its time to really really get motivated and passionate about what I'm going to do because my life is just beginning and this is what I've been waiting for. I met so many incredible people on my journey so far and made so many amazing friends that I can't help but think about blessed I am in life. Things may not always be the way I pictured them, some being better and some being worst, but then again I wouldn't change it for anything.

GOOD BYE 2013 HELLO 2014

Here's a story

 The thing is I have so much appreciation for my life, my family, and friends and the things I have, that I don't get why people don't appreciate what they have. I think it's so sad how I can see people and how many advantages they have over me and still aren't happy about their lives like it's not enough. So here's a story...

 One day there was a little girl who had her who life ahead of her with no worry in the world. She thought the world was filled with nice people and didn't know about hate or the pain she would endure. One day in a matter of seconds her life would change with news that she really didn't understand but from that moment she knew that the world she thought was so great wasn't really that great. She would learn that kids could be mean and life could be hard. That she couldn't really be a cheerleader or a dancer or a model. She realized she had to do more things she didn't like then she did. She had this silly thought of what life could be and how it'd all turn out but she was wrong. She has been hurt more times then she could count, called names that cut her deep, and sat alone on Friday nights more often then not. Cried herself to sleep because she just wanted to know why this happened to her, had to listen to people tell her it could be worse and she should be grateful she's alive, watch people walk in and out of her life like it's ok, work hard every single day of her life and still not see the reward but she still works hard. She's still hopeful, she still keeps her head up, she still continues to work her butt off, and she still believes one day it will all be worth it. And even though her life is far from perfect, she doesn't always have enough money and isn't always busy the way she wants to be, she still appreciates her mom who works harder than any person she's ever met and even though she couldn't give her everything she's ever wanted she didn't need to, she has  brothers who always have her back, an aunt and uncle who always have room in their house and tons of love in their hearts, awesome cousins who she always has fun with even though it's crazy sometimes. She loves and appreciates her life so much. She has a family full of cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents and friends but no dad... After all that she's still content not always happy or sad but content with her life. She appreciates it all, that she is me. Life isn't always perfect, sometimes far from it but appreciate what you have because it goes fast, people get old, and time gets away. Tell your family you love them and appreciate them. Tell your friends you're glad their there and tell yourself that you're doing the best you can. Appreciate the decisions you've made and the mistakes that happened. Take the time to give yourself a break. Appreciate the good moments and the ones that make you stronger. Live in the moment and love everyday because one day you're going to wish you did. Just take time to appreciate the little things... Just know I appreciate you and love you so much! pass on the message and show your appreciation!:)

OBSESSIONS

Hey!!! So I wanted share some of my Obsessions with you guys because I thinks its fun to know more about my goofy silly side! Check some new and old ones!!

1. CONVERSE

I Converse are so so cute and I am in love with them! so far I have a red, black, pink, and white pair!! I wear them like everyday!

2. LEGGINGS/ JEGGINGS

I know they look like jeans but they are jeggings!!! so comfortable I barely own jeans anymore

3. GHIRADELLI CHOCOLATE

The easiest way to my heart and smile besides bieber;)

4. PADRE FOOTBALL 

Football every Friday! Its fun together with family and watch the game and hang

5. PINK

My favorite color and its always will be

6. INSTAGRAM

Instagram is my Favorite app! I love it and seeing peoples pictures is so fun!!!

7. ELLEN DEGENERES SHOW

No secret that I love Ellen and her show! Plus I am still trying to get on it!!

8. BASEBALL TEES

They are so cute and comfy!!!

9. DAIRY QUEEN BLIZZARDS

I have like 3 or 4 a week... Kinda of bad but I do get mini's so its not that bad right?!

10. JUSTIN BIEBER

Come on now?! I still get questions like do you still like him? OF COURSE I DO!  always will

 

Moments of weakness

You know how sometimes you want to say something but you don't know what to say? Well I do that a lot on this blog, I battle with myself wondering whether I should share my more inner personal thoughts because at times it's hard to hear and handle. I write and rewrite and let these moments of weakness blog post build up in my archive. This is one of those times but since this is my blog and I want you guys to try and experience my journey through me I have to share each side. I try to make the best of every situation most of the time but there's a lot of the time that that's not the case at all... So here I am this is real and raw but it's me...

There are times when I just don't understand why things are happening the way that they are, I don't get why my family was chosen to go through this, why some of my friends families were chosen either. I know it's not right to question the things that there is no answer to because it can drive you crazy but in those moments of weakness when nothing is going right and all the odds are stacked against me it's really hard not to. It's hard trying to figure out how to put the right words together to get people to understand and it's frustrating when they don't. They say you know what things will get better but when you have surgeries, infusions, doctor appointments, and therapies its hard to believe it sometimes. When I was a little girl before I was diagnosed I had so many different ideas about what my life would be and how it would turn out. There are things that I see everyday that I wish I could be doing and experiencing, or I wonder if only I was able to try it would I be good at it? I wish someone would wake me up and say its just a weird dream... But of course its not. I have a hard time letting people in because what I have experienced so far is, once I do they don't stay for long. So I find myself feeling like it's my fault that they don't come back and I know its not but its still hard to get that from the back of my head. There's reasons why people come and go in life, why things happen the way they do, and why I am the way I am. People spend their whole lives just going through motions, I don't want to be one of those people. I don't want to let life pass me by "waiting for things to get better" because they won't without me doing something about it. But in these moments of weakness where I think about how hard it is to miss out on some of the simplest pleasures is something that probably won't ever go away. I'll probably have a few more throughout my life time but I can't hold them in anymore and since this is what I made this blog for I should use it to the fullest extent. Life's not always rainbows and unicorns with flying glitter everywhere, so don't feel bad that I have a few bad thoughts today because these little moments of weakness help me realize who I really am and that I am just human with a tiny bit of super powers;) and in the end just like the good these moments won't last forever. That's why they are called moments because as soon as they begin they end. Thanks for letting vent...

Summer Vacation!!!!

Me Cousin Byron 

Marly, me, Angie, Sylina, Autumn <3

The next big vacation was San Diego! We planned a weekend to have fun in the sun! It was pretty good time I have to say, we went with my cousins beyonce, Byron, Terrell (T2), and their parents Shannon and TJ. We also travelled with Jackie and her girls. So as usual my mom and I went to treatment on Thursday but after we got done we ended up staying over night with Jackie, Angie, and Marly at the Hyatt house in Emeryville, that turned in to our temporary home in Oakland for the pasts 2 years. Anyways we had dinner that night and went to bed and then flew to San Diego the next morning. Once we got to San Diego we met up with my cousins and brother, to go to lunch at Smash brother Burgers because we were all starving! Then went to Del Mar Beach. Later that day Sylina and Autumn met up with us and we spent all day at the beach and had so much fun! I ended up getting a tan and everyone else got sun burnt!:) After a day at the beach my mom, me , Angie, Jackie, and Marly, along with Sylina and Autumn went back to our hotel to go swimming! After the pool we were all so hungry that we went decided to go to On the Boarder and sadly because Justin and my cousins weren't at the same hotel and they were still tired from the beach so went without them but we still had a lot of fun! You kind of had to be there so if you were there you know what I mean and if you weren't you missed out!! So the next day we all met up to go to the San Diego zoo, which is one of the biggest

Beyonce, TJ, Shannon, Me Byron, T2, Justin, My mom

zoos ever!! Anyways it was a lot of fun seeing all of the different animals there but of course my favorite was the giraffes! OMG they are just so beautiful! I love them! Those weren't the only animals we saw though we also saw elephants, polar bears, monkeys, birds, snakes, and I can't forget the gorillas because the boys made us walk all around the zoo twice to find them, no joke but they ended up finding them and they were pretty cool too! After the zoo we all went out to eat at some Mexican  restaurant, that I totally forgot the name of but it was so good! We all so much fun and the trip was definitely not long enough for me but it was so amazing! I am so glad I got to go on a vacation with some of my closest friends and family, it is something I will always remember! We have to do it again!!!! Next time we should all be in the same hotel so we can hang out more!!!

Me, Angie, Autumn, and Marly

Long car ride

   

Angie, Me, Marly

The last vacation I took last summer was back to California for some shopping with Angie, Jackie, and Marly! This one was a little different because I was traveling all by myself for the first time EVER!! But NBD I was totally fine and had no nerves what so ever, I did not like the part where I had to sit next a stranger and had no one to talk to but other than that it was ok just ok... Anyways once I flew from Arizona to San Francisco because Angie  had testing in Palo Alto on Thursday and then Friday we both had our infusions as you can see our vacation hadn't really started yet.  During the infusion on Friday Jackie went and picked up the rental car and then came and got me and Angie. Well I'd be lying if I told you it was that easy actually Jackie ended up bringing a rental car that was to small because the rental car place was giving her trouble and instead of a mid- size SUV they gave her a small car with a small trunk that could not fit both wheelchairs. After all the confusion we figured out how to make things work and began our many road trip to Delano, which is a very small town in California. Fast forward to the next day, we drove for 2 hours to CITADEL OUTLET MALL in LA!!! We spent all day
all day there shopping for new school clothes

CITADEL

and they had a Converse outlet store there so we all got a new chucks, my newest obsession! After a long day we drove back to Delano and the next morning I went to their extremely small airport and went home to get ready for the start of my SENIOR YEAR!!! Thanks to the Mendoza's for going shopping with me and I can't wait to go again!!!
 

Saying good-bye